When Parenting becomes difficult

When parenting becomes difficult.

Each Child Has Unique Needs

Each child brings their own personality, challenges, and needs. As a mom, it’s never easy to balance them all. That’s why it’s equally important to learn how to balance yourself. This guide offers ideas and approaches tailored to each child, which can be adapted or expanded as needed over time.

How Children Can Get Your Attention

When a child needs your attention or wants to talk:

Ask them to gently place their hand on your hip, shoulder, or arm—whichever is easiest for them to reach.
When you feel their hand, place yours over it and give them a warm, reassuring smile. This lets them know you see them and that you care.
Finish what you're doing if it can’t be paused immediately, then turn your full attention to them as soon as you can.

General Guidelines for Interacting with Children

Be Present: Try to give your full attention when they need you, even if you're busy. Ask yourself if what you're doing is more important than their request—and pause if possible.
Get Down to Their Level: Don't stand over them while speaking. Sit, kneel, or crouch so you're at eye level. This creates a feeling of safety and mutual respect.
Use Gentle Touch: A soft hand on theirs or a reassuring pat helps build connection.
Eye-Level Communication: Children are more likely to feel seen and heard when you're physically on their level. This encourages active listening on both sides.

When One Child Is Energetic and Easily Distracted

This child is full of energy—always moving, often distracted. Their mind races ahead, making it hard to focus on what’s being asked.

Getting Their Attention:

Gently hold their shoulders and look them in the eyes.
Speak clearly and calmly about what you need them to do (or stop doing).
Ask them to repeat what you’ve said to ensure they understand.
If they don’t get it right, repeat it again until they can.

If a Mistake Happens:

Take a breath before responding. Reacting in anger won’t help.
Calmly ask them to come to you.
Sit down together, and ask gently if they know what went wrong.
If not, explain with love and clarity:

“I understand you might not know what happened, so let me explain…”
Then follow up with: “Next time, try to…”

Room Not Cleaned:

Use a gentle voice and a light hand on the shoulder to redirect:

“Your room is still messy. Please clean it up. If you need help, let me know and we can do it together.”

Help get them started by organizing together and explaining where things go.
Encourage consistency with where items belong.

Bedtime and Morning Routine:

At bedtime, gently place your hand on their shoulder and say, “It’s time to get ready for bed, please.”
In the morning or when it’s time to leave, a gentle touch and “Please get ready—we’re running late,” can help refocus them.

When a Child Is Strong-Willed, Playful, and Sensitive

This child is like a strong, free-spirited horse—energetic, playful, and gentle when needed. But sometimes their intensity can be overwhelming.

When Tension Rises:

Pause and Ground Yourself: Turn away, stand still, and clench your fists gently by your sides. Inhale deeply, grounding your breath in your belly, not your chest. Exhale slowly, letting the tension go.
Reconnect with Love: Remember holding them for the first time. Let that memory soften your heart and bring warmth to your expression.
Address the Situation: Calmly face them. Sit down if needed, and ask them to come to you. Hold their hand gently and speak about what happened with kindness and clarity.
Understand Together: Ask what led to the moment, and help them reflect on it.
If Something Broke: Reassure them with, “It’s okay,” even if it wasn’t. Help them understand how to avoid it in the future. Then, offer a hug, a kiss on the forehead, and either let them go or ask them to follow through on what needs to be done.

When a Child Is Quietly Strong and Emotionally Sensitive

This child is like a snow leopard—adaptable, quiet, and doing their best to manage in a complex world.

When They're Upset or Acting Out:

Do not yell, especially not using their full name. It only heightens tension.
Take a similar approach as with other children:

Step-by-Step:

Pause and Ground: Turn away. Stand still. Gently clench and unclench your fists, breathing deeply as you exhale tension.
Reconnect with Love: Remember the joy and wonder of holding them as a newborn. Let that love guide your tone and energy.
Approach with Calm:

Gently ask them to come to you, or go to them.
Place your hand softly on their shoulder.
Sit down beside them, holding their hand to show you’re present.

Let Them Speak First:

Ask, “How are you feeling right now?” or “What made you upset?”
Listen quietly. Maintain loving, non-judgmental eye contact.
Let them express everything—no interruptions or correction.

Respect Space:

If they want a hug, offer one.
If not, respect that. Don’t take it personally—space is sometimes needed.

Respond Gently:

Offer a solution or apologize if needed.
Take responsibility: “I’m sorry I yelled. I was upset, but I shouldn’t have spoken like that.”
Ask if they’re okay. Offer a hug if they’re open, then let them continue with their day.

Reflection for You

After an emotional moment, give yourself the gift of reflection:

What happened?
How did each child react?
How did you feel and respond?
What was the outcome?

Write it down and review it the next day. This will help track your growth and show where progress is being made—and where support may still be needed.

Important Reminders

Avoid blaming others: Never frame situations as someone else's fault—especially not the other parent. This includes comments like:

“Because your dad/mom did…”
“Your dad/mom and I have issues…”
“You can go live with your dad/mom.”

Statements like these make children feel unloved, caught in the middle, or responsible for adult problems.

Let Children Be Children

Children should never feel the burden of fixing relationships or choosing sides. Their job is to learn, grow, and enjoy time with both parents. What they need most is your love, stability, and emotional safety.

Balancing Love, Discipline, and Presence: A Mother’s Guide to Navigating Emotional Moments

Parenting isn’t easy—especially when each child has their own personality, needs, and challenges. As a mother, you’re constantly trying to find balance: between tasks and attention, frustration and empathy, structure and freedom. And let’s be honest—some days are easier than others.

But one thing remains constant: your love. This guide is meant to offer grounding tools and emotional strategies to help you navigate those more difficult moments with each of your children, while also caring for yourself in the process.

Balancing Yourself First

Each child has their own journey and parenting them equally does not mean parenting them the same way. You can’t pour from an empty cup, which is why learning to balance yourself is key.

When you're overwhelmed:

Pause. Turn away, stand still, and take a deep breath.
Ground yourself. Gently clench your fists at your sides to release tension, and breathe deeply into your stomach, not your chest.
Reconnect with love. Think back to the very first time you held your child—the awe, the joy, the love. Let that soften your heart and guide your actions.

How Children Can Get Your Attention

Kids often don’t know how to wait or when to speak. Teaching them a gentle and respectful way to reach you can be helpful for both of you.

Ask them to gently place their hand on your hip, shoulder, or arm—whatever they can reach.
When you feel their hand, place yours over theirs and give them a warm smile. This lets them know you see and acknowledge them.
Finish your current task (if it can’t be paused immediately), and give them your full attention as soon as possible.

General Guidelines for Interacting with Children

Time matters. Always try to give children the time they ask for. Weigh whether what you’re doing is more important than their small request.
Eye-level communication. Sit, kneel, or crouch to speak with them. This builds trust and makes them feel heard and respected.
Physical connection. A gentle touch, like holding a hand or placing yours on their shoulder, offers comfort and signals you’re present.
Active listening. Don’t just hear—listen. Eye contact, nodding, and kind facial expressions matter.

Child-Specific Strategies

For the Dreamer

Energetic, curious, and often living in his own imaginative world, this child may need more help staying focused—especially with routines like getting ready for bed or school.

How to guide them:

Gently place your hand on their shoulder to draw their attention.
Calmly say, “Please get ready for bed,” or “We’re running late—please get ready.”
Use kind, respectful language. Always include “please” and “thank you.”
Ask them to repeat instructions to ensure they understood. If not, calmly repeat until they do.
If they make a mistake, pause and take a deep breath. When you’ve grounded yourself, sit together and ask if they understand what went wrong. Explain gently and clearly, offering solutions for next time.
For tasks like cleaning their room, offer help to start, guide them on how to organize, and praise their efforts.

For the Strong-Willed One

Determined, energetic, and spirited—this child is a force of nature. They may test boundaries but also respond deeply to emotional connection.

When they push your buttons:

Take a pause. Ground yourself with breath and body awareness.
Think of how much you love them—their laughter, their strength, the joy of holding them for the first time.
When you’re calm, gently invite them over. Sit down and ask them to talk it through.
Hold their hand, speak kindly, and try to understand why things escalated.
If something broke, reassure them with “It’s okay.” Mistakes happen. Help them see how to avoid it next time.
Offer a hug and a kiss on the forehead to reaffirm your connection before asking them to continue with what needs to be done.

For the Quiet Responder

This child is adaptive, observant, and sometimes internalizes more than you realize. They might act out quietly or become overwhelmed without showing it right away.

When they seem upset:

Never raise your voice or call them by their full name in anger—it only builds walls.
Pause, ground yourself, and think of the love you felt when they were born.
Approach calmly. Sit close, gently hold their hand or place a hand on their shoulder.
Ask, “How are you feeling right now?” or “What upset you?”
Listen quietly, without judgment or reaction. If they don’t want physical comfort, respect their space. If they do, offer a hug.
When they’re done, offer a sincere apology if needed: “I’m sorry I yelled. I was upset, but I shouldn’t have spoken that way.”
Gently explain your side, then ask, “Are you okay?” Let them feel safe before moving on.

Reflection for Growth

After difficult moments, take a few minutes to write things down:

What happened?
How did each child react?
How did you feel and respond?
What was the outcome?

Read it again the next day. This simple act can help you see patterns, track progress, and grow into an even more grounded, present parent.

Emotional Safety for Your Children

Some things, even when said in frustration, can do real emotional harm. Be mindful not to:

Blame the other parent. Avoid phrases like “Because your dad/mom did…” or “Your dad/mom and I have issues.” These comments confuse and alienate children.
Use threats like: “You can go live with your dad/mom!”
This makes children feel unwanted, unloved, or torn between their parents.
Make them mediators. Children aren’t there to fix adult problems. Let them focus on school, play, and being children—not on managing their parents’ emotions.

Let Children Be Children

Your children need you to be their safe space. They need your presence, your patience, your steadiness, and your love—even when it’s hard to give.

Let them grow without feeling like they have to pick sides, solve problems, or win affection. Show them that their feelings matter, that their voices are heard, and that no mistake is bigger than your love for them.

Here’s why:

💛 Why This Helps in Separation/Conflict Contexts

Centers the Children
It keeps the focus where it belongs: on the children’s emotional well-being, rather than the tension between parents. It helps parents be intentional about maintaining stability, even when life feels chaotic.
Promotes Emotional Regulation
In conflict situations, stress levels are high. This guide teaches parents how to pause, ground themselves, and approach their child with calm—not from a place of hurt or frustration.
Reduces Unintentional Harm
The reminders to avoid blame, threats, or using kids as messengers protect children from emotional burdens they shouldn’t carry. That’s crucial during separation when kids are already sensitive to change.
Supports Co-Parenting with Integrity
Even if co-parenting isn’t going perfectly, this offers a model for one parent to lead with empathy and maturity. That alone can change the family dynamic over time.
Builds Confidence in Parenting Alone
When one parent feels unsupported or alone in parenting, this kind of gentle, structured guidance can be grounding. It reminds them that small, mindful interactions matter deeply—and that they are doing enough.
Encourages Reflection and Growth
The journaling/reflection section is especially powerful. In separation or conflict, it helps the parent process emotions and develop awareness around triggers, patterns, and growth points.

Search This Blog

The different understanding of things in life.

When Parenting becomes difficult - during separation

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The connection between sense and sexuality.