The connection between sense and sexuality.

 

Many nights ago, I had a conversation with my younger brother. 

He is 23 and lives abroad also is single. He like most people is having friends who tell him to go to bars and find a girl to “hook up” with to satisfy his “needs”.  He is very sensitive and cares much about a person he is with. He felt wrong to use a woman for a “need” he had.

He felt very conflicted and pressured and asked for advice.

In a way it is very honorable when you get asked from your brother to help in that matter.

I assured him I was not judging him for it in general, because I do not.

Wanting Sex and feeling the need for having sex is human. We all are different and have different mind sets for it.

I let him talk about it first and he said he wants sex to be special just with the person he loves, and he want to take his time to make it special, but he did not know how to deal with the pressure.

I assured him that being under pressure is normal and feeling a bit helpless and needy is ok too.  Sex is more than just the act of intercourse.   Sex is a reunion of energy and it has to be in a flow and feel good and easy but also calming and exciting at the same time. Feeling relaxed and calm is good. Because it helps you to enjoy it while enjoying it you learn more about yourself and your partner. Not just the body but you also learn to understand the desires and needs of one another.

The tantra and Kamasutra techniques and teachings explain it in many different but than similar ways. It is not all about position and who climaxes first or who gets satisfied through intercourse. 

Sex is so much more. It is about the exploring of one own body, begin with that. If you know what makes you feel good, what arouses you, what satisfies you and turns you one. Then you can No1 help your partner to satisfy your needs. No2.  it guides you to the way of satisficing your partner.  I do not mean to masturbate the hell out of yourself.

What I mean is observe and be more mindful on how your mind and body reacts to things and stimulations. HOW do you enjoy a shower, warm cold, a lot of foam and what kind of soap? Does it stimulate your senses in a sexual way? HOW, does it feel when you soap yourself inn under the shower? How does your body react under warm and cold water? Are the goosebumps you get from the temperature or are you excited and yawning for touch?

The other suggestion might sound weird but, get yourself a massage even if it is a foot massage. Observe yourself how it makes you feel. Would you massage your partners feet the same way and hope it would arouse them or relax them?

The next step is food, observe how food taste and makes you feel. Is there a memory connected to it? If it is a sad one, might I suggest not to have that at a date night? Have food what you enjoy what can arouse you make s you feel happy even moan enjoyingly. Food is such wonderful way of preparing for a more sensual dessert and one on one time. When going shopping in the supermarket, smell the fruit and vegetable. Be honest it sounds weird to imagine how that would look. But to be honest, I do it and it feels so good.  The smell of a fruit can awakens memories from Happy times. It makes you excited to buy the fruit and eat it either at home or with someone you love.  Fruits and vegetables can become very sexual and erotic. I tell you later more.

The cooking process and preparation process of food becomes like a ritual. The more passion and love you put into it. more you change the flavour and taste. Well, if you can cook that is if you never done the meal and you cook it for the first time. Remember do not do it have a test run first or have a back up. First time dinners at home with first time tried recipes, not always a win. But if you both cook together, you already won the battle of enjoying and open the senses.

 Going back to the sex part, involving, and training your senses in those ways. Do make a difference in having intimacy and intercourse.

How? Well, you are more aware about the way how things are connected and how it all is influenced with each other. Sex and intimacy between two people should be in an even and nice flow of Yin and Yang. 

Balanced, flowing freely, between giving and taking, enjoying, and letting go.